Sunday, January 17, 2010

Life Lesson: How to let a guy down tastefully

Okay, I'm up again thinking in the wee hours of the morning about my daughter and what I want her to learn from her mother.  This waking up early, thinking thing seems to be becoming a habit...I hope not cause I actually enjoy sleeping.  Anyway, this morning I'm thinking about one of the hardest things that I had to learn on my own which was letting guys down the right way.  Since this is one of those dating kinda topics I'm going to go ahead and rate this post "M" for mature, cause who knows what may come out...he he he. 

When I was dating I met a guy that I was completely in to.  We had been dating for about three months when we decided to go out to a club one night.  While out, I was approached be another guy while my guy-friend was in the restroom.  When he came out and began to approach our table the other guy had just began to leave.  I had been nice and polite, smiling and letting him know that I was with someone.  However, the persistent stranger continued with sly tactics hoping to find out just how happy I was with my guy friend.  When he returned to the table he spoke four little words that would stick with me for a lifetime, he said "you are too friendly."  He had apparently been standing back watching the encounter between me and this stranger from afar.  I was shocked by his comment and offended actually because I'd clearly stated that I was already in a relationship.  I didn't really get it that night, heck, I didn't really get it until a few years afterwards and after I'd been told that by others, but I did eventually get it.  He continued and explained "You are an attractive woman and men are going to be persistent.  They are confused you are telling them no in a polite and nice way and smiling the whole time.  You have to be straight and to the point or they will continue to advance."  I took that as him being controlling and insecure...I was such a dingdong. 

I thought that you're suppose to be nice and polite to people, and being attractive is not a free ticket to treat others rude or mean.  I wouldn't want someone to be harsh or rude to me if they weren't interested.  But what I didn't get was, men are a different breed and my friend understood that.  They already expect to get rejected by women at some point, so I wasn't doing them any favors by sugar-coating it.  As a matter of fact my own tip-toe-let-down style was confusing, sending mixed messages.  Almost like "yeah I'm seeing someone, but you still have a chance"...not cool!  I want my daughter to know that you can let a guy down and not be rude.  It can actually be done very tastefully and with finesse.  That's the way "ladies" do it.  The best way is to be direct and straight to the point.  A simple "Thank you for the compliment or I'm flattered that you noticed me, but I'm not interested"  works everytime.  There is no need to explain anything, or say you're in a relationship or any of that.  They need to know that they shouldn't pass GO, cause most of the time they have backup lines for any passive aggressive remark you can think of.  Most of all, you don't have to feel bad or get pressured into taking a number that you really don't want.

Thank goodness my daughters just eight and I hope (please, please, please God) that I don't have to worry about this conversation until she's well into her twenties;)

PS.  I hope my god-daughter is reading this...Hi baby girl, listen to your G-Momma okay...xoxoxoxo.

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