Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Emotional Day

Today was a doozy, I could just visualize myself sitting in one of those padded rooms wearing an all white ensemble with multiple buckles. The day started off wonderfully enough. I slept in just because I could, and woke up to a smiling husband. The crap didn't hit the fan until I left outside of my bedroom. As soon as I went down stairs to round-up a little breakfast, my son pulls me to the side to tell me that the cat has been up on the counter-top licking my beautiful pumpkin chocolate chip muffins...( and yes, they were really REALLY good). Of course, I was livid! Instant anger took over my body so I went and got the cat and put him outside. This is where a whole new set of problems start. The cat technically belongs to my daughter, little Miss Sunshyne, but she was anything but sunny after she found out what I had done. She came down stairs just when I was closing the door and saw that I had put the cat out. Then she looks at me with those beautiful, brown eyes in disbelief. There's a pause, then she turns and bolts up the stairs crying. It was exactly like a scene from one of those dramatic "teen vs mom" movies (except my daughter's eight). I couldn't believe it! I went up stairs and explained to my husband what happened and he came down to retrieve the cat. After bringing the cat back into the house, hubby begins to talk to my daughter about letting the cat roam in my kitchen unsupervised. He told her that we may have to adopt the cat out if she is not going to watch over him. Miss Sunshyne immediately gets the cat and storms towards the stairs, turns back looking toward us and says "why don't you just get rid of both of us then!" Afterwhich, she bolts upstairs crying again. As you can see, things weren't going well. It was already time for me to go up to the hospital to feed RJ. I felt so bad that I couldn't get dressed to go. My husband insisted that he would handle it and encouraged me to go to the hospital. Before I left he went in to talk to her but came out emotional himself. He said that he was thinking about what she had said and didn't want her to ever feel like that. I started crying too...I mean, this is my baby and I didn't think my actions would hurt her so much. Hubby thought it best for me to go ahead and go to the hospital and just talk to her when I returned. So I went. I felt sad, helpless, ashamed of my actions, guilty, and any other negative emotion in this category, driving to that hospital. Once I reached the hospital and visited with my son, I felt happy, elated, thankful, joyful...praising God for my stewardship as a mother. However, when I left that same thankfulness and knowing that these children are in my care for me to be the best parent I can, brought on more guilt. I went home and had that talk with my daughter. She was as sweet as pie during our talk. We both apologized and that ended the saga. It feels good to be able to apologize to my child for my mistakes...I think it lets her know that I'm human and that I don't have all the answers. I hope that helps her to have a closer relationship with me as she grows.

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